This morning I was speaking with the lady who runs a local shop. The topic was the revisions to “A Visit from St Nicholas” – see my posting “May as well use loose leaf textbooks in school” for my views on this.
We got a bit silly with this, mentioning various other sections someone, somewhere would find objectionable or politically incorrect. With tongue planted firmly in cheek, let’s take a look this poem to see what might cause reactions.
Line 6 – “visions of sugar plums” nope, can’t have that. Too much sugar isn’t good for kids. Have to change that. Maybe leave out “sugar”. Fruit is good so “plums” can stay.
Line 13 – “The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow”. Sexist – that will have to go as well.
Line 16 – “eight tiny reindeer”. You’re travelling to various countries with this livestock. Have they had all the necessary shots? Do you have the paperwork proving this? And are they being given a break after so many hours in the air, much like airline pilots? And, why are you using “tiny reindeer”? Are they capable of doing the job or are you overworking them? Has the SPCA investigated this?
Line 27 – “up to the housetop...” Is that a safe environment for reindeer? Again, perhaps the animal welfare people, or PETA, should get involved here.
Line 32 – “Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.” Don’t the authorities consider things like this breaking and entering? Are we encouraging children to engage in criminal activity with this line? Better get rid of it too.
Lines 41 and 42 I’ve already covered in the posting named above, so won’t go into them again.
Line 54 – “and away they all flew”. Has St Nick filed proper flight plans for all this aerial travel? If not he could find himself being forced down by Air Force jets. Considering these are international flights, he could find himself in a lot of trouble. Or, if his paperwork is in order, he wouldn’t have room for any toys.
Considering the possible problem areas I found in a quick scan of “A Visit from St Nicholas” perhaps we’d be better just banning the whole thing. That would solve a lot of problems.
Enjoy your day and remember to hug an artist – we need love too.
And no, I’m not serious about this. Have a good laugh.