Tales from the driver’s seat

As I approach my seventy-ninth birthday, I’m looking back and wondering “with all the stuff I did, how am I still around?”. No, I remember Arthur C Clarke’s observation that when my past becomes more fascinating than my future, I’ll officially be old. I still want to know what’s over that next hill, or around that next bend in the road, so no fears, I’m not getting old yet.

But I was thinking back to the turn of the century (yes, 2000 really was over 20 years ago) when I was driving a taxi in Durham Region east of Toronto and some of my more memorable calls.

I got my start in the cabs through a friend who was a taxi dispatcher. That I am trans didn’t bother him and he and his wife would invite me over for dinner after church on Sundays. I have a transportation background and understood his problems. He eventually told me that if I could get a taxi licence for the municipality he worked in, he’d hire me. Well, I did, he did and I began my latest foray into transportation.

Just a little detour here: it seems transportation in some form or connection is the “family business”. My grandfather was a diver who worked on the building of the current Welland Canal. Various other family members have worked in the transportation/travel industries, as did I, and my eldest son is carrying on the family tradition.

The only call that stands out from this first company was one to an address in the western part of town, in which the address was followed by the instruction “see the officer”. I don’t know the details, but I ended up taking a very upset and crying young lady to a relative’s home in Toronto. As I wrote above, I’m trans and many of the other drivers felt I was affecting their business. I learned through one of the few drivers who would speak to me that most of the fleet was going to withdraw their services the following week unless I was fired, so I quit.

After several months, and the intervention of the Human Rights Tribunal, I began working at the other, smaller taxi company in the same city. After about two weeks, the owner – a short, greasy-looking character a couple of friends and I began calling “the eighth dwarf – ‘Sleazy’” decided to make me the night dispatcher. He also had the day driver train me on the wheelchair van. The idea was I’d dispatch from the office until 2 in the morning, then transfer the phone to the company cell and dispatch from the road. A couple of calls stand out from time in the cab, and a couple from the dispatch desk. First, the cab. I was given a call to a restaurant for someone who wanted to go to the airport. This gentleman (used loosely) was either drunk or on something when he got into to the cab. I was in the handicap van that night. No sooner had we left the restaurant parking lot when he offered me weed. When I refused, he offered “chemicals”. I refused that as well. Next, he expressed doubts this was a “real” cab. Obviously he’d never seen a wheelchair capable vehicle before. Then he stated he didn’t think I was a real cab driver and demanded I take him to the nearest police station so they could check the validity of my licence. By now we were in Scarborough and I knew there was a police station a couple of blocks from our location. So I drove there. This was a substation, closed at night, which I didn’t know at the time. I walked up to the door, accompanied by him and the door is locked and the lights are out. I tell him I forgot my licence in the cab, went back, closed the rear door, walked around to the driver’s side and as I was getting in, said “have a nice night” and left this man who had offered me weed and chemicals, sitting on the front steps of the police station. Had he not been such a pain in the ass, I might have been kinder.

The second call also involved someone under the influence. I got a call late at night from Durham Regional Police to pick up someone at the local station. The officer escorted a man from the station into the cab and gave me the address. He reeked of alcohol so it was obvious he’d been stopped, then charged with impaired. Whatever his drink of choice was, it definitely affected his ability to think. On the way to his place he was ranting about going back and blowing up the station. Idiot! He threatened to destroy a police station in the presence of another person – a person who has your address.

Two calls stand out from my time in dispatch at this company. One made me angry and the other was very sad. First, the anger inducing call, and this one was repeated many times during my tenure with this company. Usually Friday or Saturday night, just at closing time I’d get a call from a local bar. The caller was always young and male. They’d give me the name of the bar and follow that with the instruction “don’t send me no effing {insert nationality of your choice]” and my response was always the same: “call someone else” then hang up. Maybe I was wrong, but I felt that as night dispatcher, in essence night manager, part of the job involved was making sure my drivers were safe. With a call like that, I didn’t feel I could guarantee that safety. The other call was heartbreaking. Durham Regional Police called about 11:45 one night and asked me to send a car to a certain address and added the instruction to see the officer. Now calls like this usually mean a domestic incident and someone is leaving the home. I’ve dealt with these calls before, both as a dispatcher and a driver. But what made this particular call so sad was the date: December 24. That’s right. Quarter to midnight on Christmas Eve, someone is leaving their home after a domestic dispute.

I finally decided to leave Sleazy’s company and told a friend, an independent driver, that I’d given two weeks notice. His response, and the reason I have so much affection for him, is that rather than ask if I wanted to drive for him, was to ask when I could start. Driving as an independent was so much fun. Aside from the fact I was actually making money – he had more business than Sleazy’s company – I met two people who are now dear friends. There are many stories from that two year period, but the one that stands out is the woman who was positive she was being followed. I picked her up at a home in the southern part of one of the towns along Lake Ontario that make up Durham Region. She gave me an address in the next town to the east. I noticed she kept looking out the rear window and at one point told me she was sure someone was following us. I had seen no vehicles on the street where I picked her up and while a couple of vehicles had followed us onto the highway, I wasn’t concerned as this was a common entry point to the highway. Nevertheless she was convinced there was someone after her. When I arrived at the exit for the town she wanted, she told me to take some side streets to lose the tail. I didn’t mind, after all she hadn’t asked for a flat rate so the meter was running. After circling a couple of blocks, she was finally satisfied I’d “lost” the nonexistent tail and she instructed me to take her to her destination. Because of my diligence in losing her “follower” she gave me a great tip and this story.

There are other tales, but these ones stand out for various reasons. So remember, if you use taxis or a ride-sharing service, you could be providing your driver with some good stories to tell.

Also remember to hug an artist, we need love (and good stories to tell) too.

Cat.

Playing politics

First a definition: In Canada, Crown corporations are wholly owned federal or provincial organizations that are structured like private or independent companies. This is from the Canadian Encyclopaedia.

This means that while they are government-owned entities, they function just as any other company. They are considered to be “arm’s length”, which basically means the government may own them and provide some funding, but has no control over their operations. Another example of a company that receives government subsidies is a transit company. You can’t honestly believe your $3.00 fare actually covers the cost of operating that forty foot diesel bus, can you? Various levels of government subside the operating costs but have no control over how that transit system conducts its business.

What caused this lecture first thing in the morning is an item I read on the CP24 news app that Pierre Poilievre, the leader of the Conservative Party of Canada, His Majesty’s Loyal Opposition in Parliament, has asked Twitter to apply a “government-funded” label to all Twitter accounts of the CBC English news-related accounts. He doesn’t even mention Radio-Canada, the French language network of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC). The CBC is a crown corporation, owned by the federal government and receives subsidies from Ottawa. But it is operated at arm’s length from the government. The government has no control over either editorial content or programming. If they did, I doubt “the mother corp” as it is sometimes called, wouldn’t have been able to air some of the things they have over the years. For example, back in the 50s, Sammy Davis Jr had a one hour variety show on CBC. This was at a time when he couldn’t even appear on American television. While the CBC receives government subsidies, it also sells ad space, much like every other network, to top up its budget.

According to a CBC spokesperson, the editorial content of the CBC is protected in law by the Broadcasting Act. So, by law the government cannot interfere with any editorial stance taken by the CBC without breaking its own laws.

Now, my question for the Honourable Member is this: Mr Poilievre, would you have taken this action if the Conservative Party of Canada was the party in power?

Over to you.

Cat.

Just an afterthought: since my sole income is a government pension, does that make me government-funded as well?
C.

I got it alright

Just received a text message from an unknown number – area code 416 in this case, the city of Toronto. All the message said was “did you get it?” In the past, I also received a message from a different number saying something like “I sent it, did it come through?” I’m going to take it as a given that this is not something restricted to the Toronto area, but is part of a wider scheme.

Had I responded to these messages saying something like “what are you talking about?” or “No.” I would have given the sender access to all the data on my phone. I had read about this smishing attempt a short while ago so was aware of this. But in any case, since it was from a number not known to me, I’d have taken the same action: delete.

If you’re like me, in addition to your contacts, you have other more sensitive information on your device, be it phone or tablet. In any case it probably contains enough details for someone to ruin your life.

I know we tend to live much of our lives on our devices, but if you get this, or a similar message, DO NOT reply. The only thing they’ve sent is this attempt to get into your device. So as I wrote above, just delete the message unopened.

Cat.

Do you mind?

Last night I was reading one of those articles in which people have posted tweets about various things. This article had as its subject, IQs and well, most of the people posting came across as either pompous asses or they didn’t read the tweet before they posted it.

The one that stands out most is the man who took one of those “IQ tests” through Facebook and proudly posted his results. I won’t embarrass him by telling you the number, but it was below the average American IQ. Still he bragged that his IQ put him in the top 77%. Then there was the guy (it’s always men who brag about this sort of thing) who claimed he was so intelligent, stating his IQ was 194, that he rarely had a conversation in which he had to actually use his brain. Right.

That article started me thinking about minds and people’s mindset generally. When I joined the Canadian army, they ran IQ tests and they determined that mine was such that they felt they could teach me something and assigned me to the Royal Canadian Engineers rather than an infantry regiment. I just say I’m as smart as I need to be.

Over the years I’ve lived in a couple of what, at the time were considered “company towns”, in that there was one major employer. Back in the early 1960s I lived in Oakville Ontario, the home of Ford Motors of Canada. Consequently the parents of many of my friends worked for Ford at various levels from the line to the front office. My parents bought me my first car during the time I lived there – an Oldsmobile. Both parents also drove GM products. The father of one of my good friends was an executive at Ford and he refused to let me park my Olds in his driveway.

Later in life, my partner and I bought our first house in Oshawa, the home of General Motors of Canada. At the time I worked for Toyota Canada and through an employee benefit was able to lease Toyotas at a very good price. These leases were always for either six months or 8,000 miles after which the vehicles were sold to dealers to be retailed as “company driven vehicles”. As a result I had many new Toyotas gracing my driveway over the years. After I left Toyota, we bought several vehicles over the years – usually Fords. I figured that having driven an Olds in Oakville, by owning Fords in Oshawa, I was just balancing the scales.

This is where the company town mindset comes into play yet again. On one occasion, I came home with yet another Ford product, a Mercury this time. My neighbours, who were both middle managers at GM happened to be in the drive the first time I brought this home.

She: I see you’re still driving foreign cars.

Him: at least its from the right continent this time.

Over time and the during the layoffs of the 80s I took a series of small jobs, but the income was enough to qualify us to buy a new Ford Aerostar van. Loved that van since it was one of the few vans available with a manual transmission. To make ends meet I began working with a friend in his courier business, mainly drug store deliveries. On one occasion, I pulled into a driveway in the south part of town only to have the man who answered the door tell me to get my piece of crap out of his driveway. When I told him fine, he could pick up his prescription at the store the following afternoon, he changed his mind. Every so often the medical office at the GM main plant would need to order something special, which on one occasion was live anthrax vaccine, from the largest drug store chain in town. I made that my first delivery. For some reason these deliveries were always on the morning run. Most of the time I’d take a few minutes to wash the van just before going into the complex. I mean we can’t have a dirty Ford rolling around the GM complex now, can we. But on that occasion I didn’t bother. I just wanted that stuff out of my van.

Perhaps the scariest example of the company mindset though was this one. I was helping some friends run a yard sale. Among the things they had were two used tires with plenty of tread left. Sure enough, some man saw them and after examining them said “these are perfect for my Impala”. My friend said to this man “Im not sure they’d fit your Impala because they’re off a Ford.” The man agreed and didn’t buy them on that basis. People! These are tires, manufactured by a company that makes tires in various sizes for various vehicles. They are not some specialty item such as rims where the bolt pattern may be slightly different or the holes a different size. A lost sale because both men were GM employees who couldn’t wrap their minds around the fact tires are made to fit all vehicles. That’s the reason there are standard sizes.

Yes, there are times when having a company mentality can help and as I’ve just shown, there are times when it can be a detriment.

And as for the first part of this post, if you have to use a number assigned after an IQ test as a weapon with which to bludgeon other people, perhaps you’re not as smart as you claim.

Cat.

Telephone tag

DATE: Mar 8

TITLE: Telephone tag

I started writing this piece on Monday March 6, but as you will read, couldn’t post it until today.

If you read my last posting “I don’t think so” of February 26, you are aware I cancelled my services with Rogers Communications. I still felt I should have a house phone (i.e. “landline”) so contacted Bell Canada. Ma Bell was more than willing to accommodate me.

I arranged an appointment to have a Bell phone installed on Friday March 3. The appointment was for the indefinite “sometime between 8 and noon Friday morning”. One o’clock in the afternoon comes along and still no service call. On the phone to Bell: “What happened to my morning installation appointment?”

As it turned out, because Rogers had terminated my service late on the evening of February 28, it wasn’t possible for Bell to transport the number to their service. As the original work order had that Rogers number on it, which was now invalid, nothing was done. After some time on the phone, I was eventually given a new telephone number and an appointed time slot of 8 to noon on March 6. What I didn’t realise at the time was that the man I spoke with had downgraded my order.

I’m retired and don’t usually get up before 8:15 in the morning, but I set my alarm early enough that if Bell did show up at 8, I’d have had coffee and would be civil.

The service tech showed up about half-ten. He messed around with the service entry in my apartment before making his was to the telephone room off the lobby. After performing his rituals there, he returned to my apartment and buttoned things up. He tried calling my new number and yes it did indeed ring and there were no unusual noises on the line. He packed up and left.

After he was gone (and this is why I’m only posting this now) I discovered that in his machinations in the service room, he disconnected my internet and as I later also learned, my lobby intercom wasn’t working. Back on the phone to Bell, where I was informed I’d need to contact my internet provider to sort out that problem. Virgin, my internet provider uses Bell bandwidth and on the rare occasions I’ve had to contact them, I frequently get a Bell technician coming in. So even though I called Virgin, there is a possibility I could see the same technician.

Virgin listened to my problem and arranged a service appointment for me for tomorrow. If you guessed it’s between 8 and noon, you’re right. So once again, I’m up at the unpleasant hour of 7 in the morning.

As for the intercom, a rather snippy lady at Bell told me I’d have to have the superintendent of the building call to arrange for someone to correct that problem. Bit of a detour here: my son previously worked in the telecommunications industry and he explained that with the system in use here, when you enter the code for the apartment, some mysterious piece of equipment dials your telephone number. With the change in telephone numbers, this thing will need to be reprogrammed.

Between the instruction from Bell and the information from my son, I located the superintendent and explained the problem to him. According to him all I have to do is give the office my new number and they can reprogram the dialler from the office. The office is closed until Wednesday morning so I have to wait. And until I’ve had a chance to see if the intercom is really working, I’m not going to consider this matter closed. (Wednesday): Well, the lady who runs the office is off sick today, so I won’t know if I have intercom now until Friday. Oh well.

Monday night I called Bell because I had thought I should have had a couple of features such as call display and call answer yet they weren’t available to me. That was when it dawned on me my order had been downgraded. But without access to the internet and emails from Bell, I was unable to access both the original order and the revised order. So, once again, I have to wait.

Tuesday morning, the technician from Virgin arrived to fix my internet. After looking at the phone installation he called for reinforcements, which arrived in the form of a more experienced technician. I left them to their own devices and it wasn’t too long before they both arrived at my door. A bit of work at the site of the modem along with what I swear were magical incantations but could have been technical jargon I had my internet back. They took the time to explain what had happened and what they did and, while I don’t have a background in telecommunications, I do retain enough of my shop classes to understand that the first job was just plain sloppy work.

Even though the Bell technician on Monday was aware my internet wasn’t through Bell, he in essence hijacked the internet line to use for the telephone. As I wrote somewhere above, Bell and Virgin share equipment so that was relatively easy. The two hours the two Virgin men spent here were first figuring out what he’d done, then fishing another line from the service entrance to my modem outlet.

So what should have been a simple installation last Friday has instead turned into a mini-series. I really, really hope this is the last of my problems.

Oh yes, this morning I contacted Bell and got the order straightened out, so I now have the features I wanted and a $10 credit each month for the next year.

Cat.

I don’t think so

It’s been a while since I last wrote anything. Nothing on the news has irked me to the point I wanted to rant about it and there is no confirmed new information on the “Bring him to justice” file. And I just couldn’t see writing something just for the sake of writing something. So, that explains the long silence. But something has happened that I feel I can use to give vent to my views.

If you live in Canada, mainly east of the Manitoba/Ontario border, you know the name Rogers Communications and have probably been affected by them in some manner. If you don’t think so, I remind you of the events of July 8, 2022 where a problem somewhere in the Rogers system affected most of the country. You remember when the ATM wouldn’t work and there was no internet, cell service or cable for many people? Yeah, that Rogers.

A couple of months ago, after looking at my bill, I called Rogers to see if I could cut my cable back to basic cable. I knew I’d lose some channels I enjoyed but the cost was getting out of hand since my sole income is a government pension. That was when I learned that the service I have is now considered a “legacy” service, meaning they don’t offer it to new customers and if I wanted to reduce my service I’d have to switch over to their current, cloud based service. That’s the one that wouldn’t work last July. But in order to get that, I’d also have to get their internet service. I switched from Rogers internet years ago for two reasons: the cost and the fact that I was constantly having to reboot my modem. That left me with cable and home phone service through Rogers. As an aside, I think that over the past five years, I’ve had to reboot the modem maybe three times, as opposed to three times a month on occasion with Rogers. So already I have a sour taste over Rogers.

This story starts about two weeks ago. I had a question regarding my bill. The last three bills had each been higher than the last with no changes in my service or viewing habits, such as rented movies (I don’t rent movies). I know Rogers is in the process of buying their biggest competitor in western Canada but if they have to nickel-and-dime their customers to afford the billions the acquisition will cost, maybe they should reconsider. I called Rogers and spoke to perhaps the most unco-operative customer service rep in the company. For some reason he seemed to feel I wanted to change my billing from online to paper billing and kept pushing that option. He was being so obtuse that after going around in circles over the billing – NO, I DON’T WANT A PAPER BILL! – I eventually reached the point I was ready to go full “Karen” on him, but instead chose to just hang up.

February 21, after still being unable to get a satisfactory answer to my billing question, I decided to cancel my cable service effective February 28. I have Apple TV so won’t miss much and I have news outlets on my phone, so there is no problem there. Important point here that comes into play in the next paragraph is that with Rogers, phone service also uses the cable.

I presume that like most people, when I think of cable it I think of it as separate from the telephone. I’d forgotten that Rogers uses the cable for the phone as well. When I phoned in to cancel my cable, I thought that while I’d no longer have television service I’d still have the telephone and nobody told me otherwise until yesterday.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was looking at my bill and noticed that the billing period was from February 10 to March 9. Well, as of March 1, I will no longer have any services with Rogers. I couldn’t see why I should have to pay for my cable and telephone services for the period of March 1 through 9 since they will be unable to provide those services. Phoned Rogers and got someone in the accounts department.

I explained this to the lady on the other end of the phone and she explained, in a rather haughty manner (what’s with Rogers, do they intentionally hire people with zero customer service skills?) that I have to pay the full amount and they’ll issue me a credit. I explain that I’ll no longer be a customer so a credit on my account wouldn’t do me much good. She again told me I’d have to pay the full amount. I asked her if she’d pay for a service she isn’t going to get and again her response was “you have to pay the full amount.” She did tell me she’d put through a credit for approximately $38 for the overpayment but it would take two months to issue a cheque. So let me see if I have this right: you’ll issue a credit for less than half the overcharge, take two months to reimburse me and not pay interest of having my money for two months? Got it, and I don’t think so.

I have a background in business, mainly transport and import/export, and am fully capable of calculating such things as discounts. I’d already looked at the bill and determined that a proper discount for nine days would be in the area of $83. That was based upon the billing period of 28 days and the amount of the invoice. Something else I learned in business, more years ago than I really care to think about, is that it’s much easier to dispute a charge before you pay the bill. Knowing that I still hadn’t paid Rogers at that point, I unilaterally decided that I’m only going to pay them the revised amount using my figures.

After my telephone conversation with Rogers and coming away dissatisfied with the result, I went onto their website and used the live chat feature to plead my case once more. Same result. This time I gave them my calculations so they could see how I arrived at my figures. I also made sure to copy the entire live chat and save it.

In the end, I paid Rogers what I calculated what my service from February 10, starting date of the billing period to February 28 would be and paid them that. So, now I wait for the next bill from them to see what, if anything they’ve decided to do about this matter.

Cat.

Mischief

This is prompted by a news item I saw today that there are two lottery prizes worth a total of $5,000,000 unclaimed in the Toronto area.

The thought occurred to me “what if one of those tickets was mine?”, which is not possible for in order to have a chance I’d have to buy a ticket. But keeping in mind the title of this piece, what if that were true.

In Ontario the winner’s names are available on the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Commission website – it’s a legal requirement I understand. But since the names are known it would be possible to track me down on social media. I’ve read other winners say that a major win has resulted in people from their past suddenly appearing in their lives again. And that could lead to all kinds of, as the title indicates, mischief on my part.

First, a bit about me. I make no secret that I’m trans so the name I now have isn’t the same name I had in highschool. And, to further frustrate any attempted requests, I was an army brat and attended three different highschools. Picture it now. I’ve won a seven or eight figure jackpot and someone tracks me down on Facebook. I imagine the exchange might go something like this:

Random Guy (RG): Hey Cat! Remember me? I sat behind you in math class and you helped me when I had trouble. I know it’s been a while, but I’d really like to reconnect.

Me: Not off hand. What year?

RG: Grade 12.

Me: What was the name of the highschool again?

RG: Eastside.

Me: Get lost. I never attended Eastside and I never made Grade 12 because I dropped out to join the army. Oh, and my name wasn’t Cat in highschool. Better luck next time.

This whole thing is fiction because in order to even have a chance at winning a lottery, I’d need to buy a ticket, which I rarely do. But I hope this imagined exchange at least brought a smile to your face.

Have a safe and happy New Year’s Eve and a prosperous and healthy 2023. And remember to hug an artist we need love (and a winning lottery ticket) too.

Cat.

You want to do what?

This coming Monday, October 24, Ontario will be holding civic elections. I don’t live in Toronto, but rather in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) and get the Toronto newscasts.

One of the candidates for mayor of Toronto has made several proposals/promises for when or if he is elected. Two of his ideas regarding transportation stand out to me for the irrationality of them.

First, a bit of background: most of my working life was spent in the transportation industry and I hold a professional degree in transportation management. I’ve worked in motor transport, both local and transcontinental; rail forwarding; air forwarding as well as import and export by sea. So I have a fair idea what I’m talking about. Now, on to these two ideas.

Toronto is in the process of building a crosstown light rail line located near the northern edge of what is considered midtown. A good portion of this line will be tunnelled so would be unaffected by weather and traffic. The rest will be in a dedicated rail corridor. This man’s suggestion is to replace this line with buses using dedicated bus lanes as, according to him, they will be just as fast as the light rail. If you’ve spent any time on the streets of a major city even if as a passenger, you know that traffic and weather have great effects on the flow of traffic. The area in which I live has dedicated bus lanes along the major east/west corridor. For straight traffic, yes, the bus is faster when using the bus lanes. As long as there are no intersections where vehicles want to turn right, or enter traffic from side streets or plazas. In those cases, they aren’t faster. A collision or construction along the street also has a detrimental affect on the speed of the bus. I’m avoiding talking about weather delays because I absolutely detest winter, but snow does a marvellous job of snarling traffic. So no, Mr Candidate, the bus won’t be faster.

His other idea with which I take exception is his proposal to close the Toronto Island Airport (Toronto Billy Bishop Airport [YTZ]) and turn the 215 acres into a park. This airport has been around since at least the 1950s and is currently the base of five different airlines, some of whom fly international routes from it. In addition, and possibly more important, it is the main base for Ontario’s air ambulance service. I may be wrong but I think that since there are international flights from Billy Bishop, it falls under federal jurisdiction as well. When asked about this plan in an interview, he responded to the effect that turning it into a park would only affect a “few people” and that once they use the express train to Pearson Airport (YYZ) they’ll find it just as convenient. So Mr Candidate, if you consider there are five different airlines using Billy Bishop, plus private pilots, as well as the air ambulance, I think you’ll find that more than a”few people” will be affected.

He has probably made other equally ill-advised proposals, but the transportation manager in me focussed on these two.

As for me personally, where I live allows online voting, so I’ve already voted.

Wherever you live in Ontario, what happens in your municipality for the next four years will depend on your vote. According to the weather forecast, Monday will be sunny and warm, so you have no excuse for not casting your ballot.

Cat.

They do keep trying

DATE: Oct 11

TITLE: They do keep trying

I received the following email yesterday in an account I don’t use any longer, but haven’t yet transferred stuff I want to keep.

Schedule new delivery for your shipment_Nº_#5523861834 10 October, 2022 16:56
From: Canada Post
To: ghoward@
Dear customer: Your delivery information is invalid
We invite you to schedule a new delivery as soon as possible:
It look like that your pa has been returned to the post office warehouse
The delivery process failed due to an error in the information (invalid address or phone number).
Reminder:
If you do not confirm your information within three days. Your shipment will be returned to the sender.
Re-Schedule Delivery (this was in a red box I could click on.)
Expected delivery : 2 Days After Confirmation
Status : Waiting Re-delivery Process
Tracking Number : 3535935681768742

There is so much wrong with this I hardly know where to start. Let’s start with the delivery information. This past weekend was the Thanksgiving long weekend in Canada and it is a federal holiday. Therefore Canada Post wouldn’t have been working so couldn’t have attempted to deliver any package (or pa as the message says). Having received packages from Canada Post in the past I know their usual method, at least for the past two COVID years, has been to bring the package to my door. If they can’t deliver it, they leave a notice on or in your mailbox stating they couldn’t deliver it and telling me they’ve returned it to my local postal outlet. The notice also states I can pick it up the next day.

As I said above, I haven’t used that ghoward email for six years or so, ever since I changed my name. And I don’t know of any firm who would show an email address on a shipping label.

I suspect that had I clicked on that “re-schedule delivery” button I’d have been asked for all sorts of information – just to verify my identity of course. Instead the only button I clicked on after copying the message for this blog was “delete”.

Obviously the sender is not in Canada, nor aware of Canadian holidays, or they wouldn’t have chosen Monday October 10 for that was Thanksgiving Day. And no government offices or crown corporations were working that day. Research appears to be an area that they need to improve upon.

I especially like the formal “We invite you to schedule a new delivery as soon as possible:” It contrasts with some of the awkward wording elsewhere.

If you get something like this from the postal service in whatever country you live in, ask yourself two questions: Did I order anything by mail? And, is this the post office’s normal method of notifying me of a failed delivery?

Enjoy your day and remember to hug an artist, we need love too.

Cat.

Writing 101 revisited

DATE: Sept 2

TITLE: Writing 101 revisited

This is from 2013 blog called “Writing 101 by Cat, or what would I say?” in response to a suggestion I offer a course on writing. The only major change is that I’m now ten years older.

On my recent posting “Blogs: opinion pieces or news reports?” one person left a comment and made reference to teaching them how to write in the style I use. I thought about that for about thirty seconds. I didn’t want to spend more time analysing it lest I become the centipede. You know the story of the centipede, don’t you? You don’t? Well, I’ll tell you then.

One day a tiny ant was watching a centipede pass by, legs all moving with military precision, not tripping over its feet or kicking the leg in front of it. The ant stopped the centipede and asked how he managed to keep everything so well organized. Having never thought about it, the centipede had to admit he didn’t know. After the ant went his way, the centipede sat and thought about the question and tried to analyse his actions. Not finding an answer he liked, he gave up and decided to carry on to wherever he had been going. That was when he discovered that in his attempts to figure out just how he did it, he’d managed to lose the ability to co-ordinate his legs and he kept tripping. I didn’t want to spend time analysing how and why I write as I do for fear I’d end up like that centipede and forget how to write.

I know that people are told “write what you know”. Well yes, it is always good to have some knowledge of your topic before you put a single word on the monitor (or on paper– I still prefer to write in longhand) especially if you’re writing an instructional piece.

In addition to “write what you know” I would add “write what you feel strongly about”, be that the antics of your local politicians or something else. If you want to write an opinion piece, write it with passion. If you feel strongly enough about something that you want to voice your opinion, let that fire show through in your writing. My personal view where it relates to opinion pieces is that if I haven’t upset someone then I haven’t done my job properly. Of course that attitude is probably helped by being 68 and not really caring what others think of my opinions.

If you choose to write fiction, depending upon what kind of fiction, some research may be necessary to get the details right. People will pick up on anachronisms very quickly if you choose historic fiction so try to ensure you aren’t introducing something that hadn’t been invented until well after the period you’ve chosen.

My preferred field of fiction is speculative fiction (commonly called science fiction). Given the scientific advances in many fields that gives me a lot of leeway should I choose to introduce some new technology. But, as I wrote above, even there some research is required. For example I may have to look at the current state of a field and try to find out what is being looked at. Perhaps a news item on a new scientific process under investigation will spark a thought process best summed up by asking myself “what if…?” Then I try to answer that question in a story.

Many years ago I wrote a long piece about an intelligent computer (artificial intelligence anyone?) and to start I described the setting as follows:

The city was one of those anonymous places that comprise what politicians and pollsters commonly refer to as “the industrial base.” The signs at the city limits proudly proclaimed population figures from the last census, but several minor recessions and a major depression had taken their toll and the signs were wildly optimistic.

Industry had been just diverse enough that when the major employer closed its doors and moved to another location promising low taxes and even lower labour costs, the remaining factories could only slow the decline. Suppliers to “The Factory”, as the locals called it, had either followed their market, or just turned off the lights and walked away.

Along Main Street, vacant shops outnumbered the combined total of those offering “going out of business” sales, and those offering similar prices without going to the added expense of signs. The sparkling new mall at the edge of town (fifty great stores to serve your every need) echoed to the footsteps of lonely shoppers as they passed store front after store front, each closed and locked; and each bearing the legend “for lease – reasonable rates.”

This was the sight that greeted the planners as they descended upon city hall one day, armed with graphs and plans and colourful artists’ impressions and visions for the future; and enthusiasm. Oh yes, they were certainly enthusiastic. They would convert this dying factory town into a model for the future. Self-contained and computer controlled, it would rely on the outside world mainly as a supplier of provisions and raw materials and as a market for its products. The planners had anticipated every objection from city council and included in their schemes a new seniors’ apartment complex; upgraded hospital facilities; and even a refurbished city jail. But the plum in the pudding was their promise to revitalise industry through computerisation and make the city prosperous once again.

This description was essential to the rest of the novella for it shows a city in decline and the willingness of the city council to do whatever they could to keep their town alive. Could I have written the piece without these 300 words? Of course, but I’ve given the reader just enough information for them to form their own mental image of the place.

My last piece of advice to anyone writing is simple: write the way you speak. If you commonly use multi-syllable words in your every day speech, by all means write that way. But if you don’t please don’t make the mistake of trying to use them in your writing. I recall reading an interview with a writer who perhaps said it best: “Don’t use ‘ten dollars words’ even if you buy them at a ‘two-for one sale’ because you’ll probably use them incorrectly” unless those form part of your daily vocabulary.

And that ends today’s lesson. Class dismissed, and remember to hug an artist, we need love too.

Cat

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